Love Actually ….

… is actually more than just the emotion of love.  The love between people can be beautiful and often is.  It can also become warped and a bargaining chip between people.  It can become co-dependent and unhealthy.  Often times what we see is not love unconditional but a far less beautiful thing based on people taking action to do things for each other thinking it is 'out of love' but are really just buying love.  I have been guilty of it, without realising it of course.  

A friend of mine and I had a long conversation predicated on his proposition that "If you love someone why can't you do this thing that this person wants coz it would make them happy, out of love as that is the point of disagreement between you two?"

The 'thing' is a deeply personal thing. My point at the time was, what if the thing that this person wants you to do goes against your beliefs or your chosen career or lifestyle choice? Would you do what they want anyway out of 'love'? Is that what loves requires?

In a text, he further said,(with a few changes it is reproduced here): So there is the thing... here is what u need to consider... the one last thing that IMHO is the final block for so many people on this spiritual journey that we are on...
There is no sacrifice of YOUR freedom or happiness...

happiness/freedom is somehting no one can ever take from you... and something that you can have NO MATTER what the your circumstances... if it makes ... So and so .... happy if you did those things... it should also make u happy 
These are just food for thoughts…


I spent days mulling over this.  Polling friends on Facebook, calling spiritual teachers and talking to other friends.  

Talking about it is one thing and everyone had an opinion.  In the end it seems that most people shared the same perspective:  "It all depends on you and what love is to you."

Later after much soul searching, this is what I wrote in my Facebook post : After an intense several days of introspection and discussion with some of my dear friends, I came to the conclusion that each person's journey is different. Each person's truth in any matter is personal to them. The act of loving and being love in a given set of circumstances is not the same for each person or in each situation. Happiness is fleeting and we each of us have the keys to our own happiness. No one outside of ourselves can make us happy. To think that we alone have that ability to make another happy is not being loving but arrogant. Being fully present to each situation provides us with the answer as to what is right for us. No one outside of us can determine what is right action for us. 

Two people facing the exact same situations may take different actions and both of them would be 'right' if that answer comes from love, including self-love. If we do something to 'make the other happy' and it doesn't arise out of love (which is really much more than a feeling), we may be doing them a disservice. It may be that the other person needs to learn self-love and not rely on someone else to make them happy and by simply 'doing something to make them happy', we could be taking away what they need to experience to grow. The test to know if you have made the correct decision is if you feel at peace. It is the peace that surpasses and goes beyond all understanding. Namaste

As to the second part of my friend's proposition, maybe it is true for some and maybe it is  not for others.

What I know is that if you are aligned with your Truth, you will take the path of Joy and you will be where you need or want to be.  

Namaste, babe!